Convulsions of a Shadow
by Sufferer's Descendant
Summary: Bakura has been tamed by his Hikari and former host, but will Ryou see? Will Bakura take his revenge on the Pharaoh and Marik? He was bound by the Ring to do his Hikari's will. Now he is free and he wants his revenge for himself on the Pharaoh and Marik.
1. Remember

**Prologue:**

Ryou and his darker half, Bakura, had been separated for some time now. Bakura had gained his own body and had went his own way. Ryou had stayed in the same apartment after Bakura had long since left, the place held memories for Ryou. Bakura only remembered as far as conversations with the Hikari and his escape at last. He was free of his host, though he felt like part of him was missing. The connection between the two remained but only Ryou tried to contact his darker self. Bakura never replied when his Hikari sought him out through the ring. A year or two passed before Bakura saw his Hikari again, he'd been out wandering the streets like usual when a crowd of wasted men stumbled past. One by one they stopped, turning their bloodshot gazes toward him.

They eyed Bakura, mistaking him for the things he was not: A girl, and weak. It wasn't long before a fight had broken out between them, Bakura could handle himself in a fight. A few times he had ended up in the hospital from it, he never told his Hikari about those days. He would never, ever tell him. His Hikari had more than enough to worry about, as far as he knew, he was still afraid of him. Bakura doubted he would even want to see him after the things he did, it didn't matter now anyway. It was done and he couldn't take it back.

Once Bakura had finished with the men who tried to attack him, he had several shallow wounds on his neck and face. His arms were usually wrapped in bandages most days since he had the habit of cutting through his skin each night when he returned home. It made him feel alive, of course he had hospitalized himself a few times when he had bled too much. How he had ended up there, he didn't know.

**Bakura's P.O.V.**

I suppose it was my Hikari, we were still connected through our link of the Millennium Ring. That or maybe someone had come in after each time I had passed out, surely whoever it was lied for me. They continuously asked if I remembered what happened and who attacked me, I merely shook my head. I knew that no one had attacked me, I had done this to myself, by myself. I simply hated all that I was, I didn't think I should exist. But I did, I would deal with it until my time came to leave this forsaken place. If it ever came, I was a spirit, tied to this world by the Ring. I suppose I would live forever, my body would never age I guess.

Who cared anyway? I didn't want to survive if I couldn't keep my Hikari with me, physically. Maybe I could take his soul one day and seal it away along with mine. I didn't want to damn him for eternity, but I am a selfish creature. I work for my own personal gain and no one elses. I've stolen many things and sold them for expensive prices. It's how I've gotten to where I am now, a 3-story home on a huge estate. With every possible whim of mine could be solved simply. All but one, though I had a big house, there was no one inside for me to stay there for. Well aside from my vast collection of animal breeds, they were always fed and watered. I kept them in excellent shape, but that hardly used up my time at all. Maybe I'd be able to convince my Hikari to move in with me...maybe. Maybe not.

I had heard he was dating Mariku, Malik's darker half. Whether it was true or not, I didn't know nor cared to find out. I'd probably go pop in on him tonight, he usually knew when I was coming. The link between us held no secrets, I could only hide what I wanted hidden from him. Otherwise I didn't bother, sometimes I could see where he was going as if I was in his place. Looking through his eyes, I'm sure the same happened to him, as if he were in my shoes. Well anyway, I'd have to ask him about that. Surely he knew where I lived, he never came to visit though. No one ever did, of course. Who would? I tried to kill them all using my former host's body, I had wounded Ryou, and tried to take the puzzle as well as the rest of the items for myself.

It never happened though, in the end, I had failed and I no longer cared what happened to any of the Millennium Items except for the Millennium Ring. I was tied to it, Ryou was tied to it and we were bound to it until I was sent back to my time or my Hikari died. Well. I knew what would happen first, his body would die of old age. His spirit would stay forever young...maybe I could get him a new body every few years if he chose to live with me. I would try to convince him, I would head there while I was out anyway.

Tugging up my coat's collar, I made haste for my Hikari's last known home. My former house, I had once lived there myself only because of my Hikari. I was trapped in my soul room when he was home, I had to be a good little spirit and obey him. I had agreed to, of course I had been thrown into the damn deal. The Pharaoh began to teach my Hikari how to use the Ring to bind me to his will, damn the Pharaoh. All the more cause for revenge but I'll never get it. Not here. Not while I am being watching almost continuously, the Pharaoh had his ways. I felt his presence behind my back most of the time, a few times I ended up flipping off just air but I knew he could see.

I was surprised that he hadn't come tracking me down to return the favor, maybe his Hikari found out how to use the Puzzle to bind him, I laughter bitterly. I sure as hell hoped the midget did, if not. I could teach him how but that kid had the Pharaoh wrapped around his finger from day one. Just as I was wrapped around my Hikari's finger, though it took longer for me to become in such a state. I wasn't sure about Mariku though, I think so but his Hikari just wasn't ready for anything so he had moved on to mine. I would have to have a word with him about going near whats mine. My Hikari wouldn't be happy, but I wasn't there to wait on him or please him. This was about me and my property, my Hikari belonged to me by right. I was forced to be bound to him by the Ring since it had fallen into his possession.


	2. Convulsions

**Ryou's P.O.V.**

Ever since my Yami left, this place has seemed so empty.. It's been two years since I've seen him, I think I'd see glances of my Yami in the mirror but it's only my reflection. I really miss him, even though he wasn't exactly the best toward me. He used my body without my permission until Yugi's Yami had taught me how to control my Yami with the Millennium Ring, most of the time I could remember all that I did. My darker half, I could only assume, was sealed in his soul room. But this was all before he had gained his own body and left like a bat out of hell.

I wasn't sure if he'd return after what had happened to him, he won't answer me when I try to reach him through our link. We are, after all, still bound together by the Ring. Maybe this is just me, but it seems like my aging process is slowing down. I mean, everything is still working but I haven't put on any weight or gotten any thinner. I haven't had to run or exercise to keep in shape or anything. Maybe it's just my metabolism but I'm not all too sure what's happening to me. I've grown taller and I'm filling in with muscles and everything, which is a shock because I've never been very strong or the athletic type.

Maybe Bakura will know...whenever I see him again. Sometimes I get these glimpses of where he's going, or at least I think it's him. No one else who it could be, I've been tied to him ever since my father sent me that ring. I'm not sure if there's a way to break the connection, if there was, he'd probably would've done it by now. I'm not sure if he knows about anything that's happened with me, whether's he's been keeping up. Mariku had asked me out after Bakura disappeared, if he knew, I'm sure he wouldn't like it very much. Mariku walking all over his territory, or at least he had said that one time when the Pharaoh had come over to teach me about the Millennium Ring.

I think Bakura still wants his revenge on the Pharaoh after the entire situation with his parents and his whole village being killed just to make the Millennium Items. I felt sorry for Bakura and understand his rage against the Pharaoh and his court. He may still want his revenge but I couldn't be sure, whenever he was here, he acted different. Like he was hiding something to protect someone or something precious to him. It would never occur to me that it was me he was trying to protect. I had found his notebook one day, the only thing he ever used and kept hidden. Why would he leave this behind? He was always writing in it, possibly his darkest secrets of his heart.

I only opened it once and read the first page, it wasn't much but it was part of Bakura. I felt ashamed after that, I never picked it up again except to move it into a new spot of hiding. He'd come for it one day, I was sure. I would be ready that day, those words that he wrote still rang clear in my mind as if he were speaking them to me continuously, endlessly. It was like a lullabye to me, I learned to move on and live my life for what it was. Those words never left my mind, they'd forever be whispered to me by my Yami.

_He is what keeps me from convulsing into who I was,  
He is what keeps the darkness at bay.  
__He alone can tame my fractured soul,  
He alone has saved me from eternal shadow.  
He is my Hikari._

I didn't know what to say to those words, I couldn't ever pick up his notebook again without being reminded of him. I had never read it again after that one thing, I couldn't know how many private things he'd written in the simplest of things. I wanted to believe these words were true, I wouldn't know this for sure until I found him. But where was I to begin? It had been two years ago when I found the notebook laying beneath his pillow. Two years since he fled this place, he was probably glad to be free of it. I couldn't blame him when he had been forced into being reined in. I didn't want him to go but I couldn't stop him either. It was his decision to leave, I wouldn't deprive him of his free will again.

**Bakura's P.O.V.**

I had almost reached my Hikari's house when I felt my heart give a shudder. I couldn't get a heartattack, so what was happening? A sudden lust for blood and chaos hit me, driving me to destroy everything. I resisted, falling to my knees. My breathing began irregular and heavy, I felt my body began to convulse against my will. I couldn't do anything as I fell to the ground, struggling to stand up. I didn't understand this, why was this happening now? I felt a stab of pain, I tried to bite back of scream of agony. I felt as if I were being dragged over the ground that had been plagued by spike strips and nails, I wasn't aware that I was screaming aloud. My Hikari had come running, startled by what the commotion was no doubt. I could see myself through his eyes, I looked like hell and yet I could see that he was worried.

"G-get away..." I stuttered, trying to make him leave. Someone had called the paramedics, I couldn't tell what was happening because I was blinded by pain. I could feel my Hikari's presence nearby, he needed to get away. I wouldn't be the one to harm him, not when I couldn't stop myself. I had been bound to the stretcher and securely put into the back of an ambulance. This was just what I needed, to be back where it was sterilized completely every day and night. I didn't want to be here but I couldn't tell where I was or who was here. The only thing I knew is that I had to escape and get away from civilization, away from people, and mostly, away from my Hikari.

I began to notice that the pain was numbing away, the crimson color that had clouded my vision faded into black. There was no voice, no wicked laughter, and no outrageously ugly demon to torture me in my sleep. I didn't dream, every now and again, I could feel myself suddenly convulse, straining against the binds that held me. It felt like they were getting tighter each time I tried to move and escape from here. Surely, they were because it was becoming harder to breathe as well as move. A voice echoed in my mind, it wasn't harsh or deep. Instead it was soft and low, almost kind. It repeated the same words over and over.

_He is what keeps me from convulsing into who I was,  
He is what keeps the darkness at bay.  
__He alone can tame my fractured soul,  
He alone has saved me from eternal shadow.  
He is my Hikari._

I realized that it was my voice, or it seemed like my voice. Reminding me to be who I am and not who I was all those years ago in the past and in Ancient Egypt. I felt my body relax from its rigid state and rest, as if it were finally at peace. This state wouldn't last more than a few weeks if that, that was the most that it usually stayed calm for. Every few weeks this would happen, how could've I not know that this had happened? I was a fool to let it slip my mind, usually I stayed by myself while this happened in the basment of my house. Where I couldn't get out and no one could get in, especially in.

The security of the door on the outside was more secure than it was on the inside, I couldn't break out just as no one could break in. There were no windows, no lights. Nothing downstairs but steel. A steel cage is what I would confine myself to until I came back to my senses. I had escaped only once, several innocents had been slain by a mysterious beast. Hacked into pieces and partially devoured, or so it seemed, the other half of them were merely dissolved into nothing by the acidic saliva. No one would ever be able to detect it because it burned itself out along with whatever surface it touched. Though that was only when it was in the open air, once it had left the mouth of the creature.


	3. Alone with Ryou

Bakura didn't know how long he'd been asleep but when he woke, Ryou was sitting in a chair. He had fallen asleep next to the bed, stretched out in the chair. The bindings that had held Bakura down had been broken, the red marks on his wrists were proof of that. Bakura hadn't the slightest idea what had happened, the last thing he remembered was seeing Ryou and hearing his voice then telling him to get away but that was it. Nothing more came to mind. Ryou had been worried, that much was clear. Bakura wished that Ryou hadn't caught him like that, he should've known to just stay in but he didn't think about it and it was too late by the time he realized it. The dark, blood colored eyes closed and Bakura seemed to sink back into sleep though he was just resting there as he thought. It wasn't as though he could just get up and waltz out of the room, not without his clothes and not without being stopped by some of the hospital's staff. It took every bit of his willpower not to reach out and shake his Hikari awake, Bakura thought he could use the rest since Ryou looked so tired. Bakura rubbed his aching rib cage, the straps that had held him down were the cause of the marks on him and the pain there since he tried so hard to free himself. He felt drowsy as well, they must've shot him up good with morphine and sleep medication just to make him relax.

Bakura had nodded off after awhile, his thoughts the only balm against the convulsions that would be coming back with a fierce vengeance. Though, for now, he would rest and await when they came back. Hopefully, he'd be back in his home where he could lock himself away while they happened. The convulsions were painful on him, though no one could hear his screams since he had sealed himself away in a soundproof room when they occurred in the past. One thing Bakura didn't like but endured was being restrained, mainly for the safety of the innocent by standers that walked the streets day and night. A few times though, he'd slain innocent people in his frenzies for blood, back when his convulsions began. Now, Bakura had them under control for the most part and kept track of when they were set to occur. It wasn't always certain but like clockwork, they always came around when he least expected it.

As Bakura slept once more, at ease for the moment, Ryou had woken about a half hour after he had fallen asleep. Ryou checked on Bakura to make sure he was still where he was supposed to be, he relaxed after he saw that he was still in bed. Sleeping even, it was a surprise to him that the usually active man was at ease around him. Even in such a place like this, Ryou knew Bakura didn't like to be cooped up in a place for long. It made him wonder if he was still under the affects of anesthesia and all the medication they had injected into him. A quick shake to Bakura's told him enough, the former thief's eyes opened and looked up at him. "Kura.." Ryou sighed with relief, scooting the chair closer to the bed. "You're awake," he stated. It wasn't a question, it was a fact since Bakura was staring up at him now though the blood red eyes closed again after a moment. Ryou thought he had gone back to sleep but hearing the voice told him otherwise, "what are you doing here, Hikari? Didn't I tell you to get away?" he growled, seemingly irritated though he was just tired. Tired of laying in bed, tired of having to deal with his ever growing thoughts, and tired of dealing with his condition.

Had it been possible, Bakura would've gone and gotten himself killed a long time ago after he left the sanctity of Ryou's home. But it wasn't likely that he'd die, not from physical injuries or mental ones. The only way that he knew of was to destroy the Ring but he couldn't do that. Not when he was bound to Ryou by it, destroying the ring might end his own life as well as Ryou's. Bakura wasn't willing to risk that, even though he was rough around the edges and harsh. Bakura did care what happened to his Hikari and ending his life without his consent wasn't something he wanted to do, Ryou deserved to live out his life. To live without the fear of dying, without his presence or interference. Bakura had wanted to ease his Hikari's suffering but he didn't know how and in the end, he came to the conclusion that if he died. His lighter half wouldn't have to worry about him, Bakura believed that and he wanted badly to act on that.

Ryou took Bakura's hand into his own, "why would I leave? You are my other half and I can't abandon you," he replied as he watched Bakura stare up at him. Bakura, after a few moments, just growled and jerked his hand away. "I'm no longer your concern, Ryou. Just get out of here," he wasn't angry with the other but he made it seem that way so Ryou would leave him alone and hopefully move on. Before Ryou, he was already beyond help. Or so he believed. But that was before Ryou had become owner of the Millennium Ring and tamed his fiery spirit, quelled his lust for vengeance on the Pharaoh and taught him a new way to live. With one touch, Ryou could reform his entire being but Bakura was afraid of that and didn't want to change his ways. If he changed, he would become one of the mindless sheep that roamed the earth and were preyed upon by the wolves that roamed wherever the sheep went. He preferred to be one of the wolves, no one would dare prey upon him that way. With his ferocity, he was free and strong to do as he pleased. The mindless sheep or greedy wolves of the world wouldn't come near him or pick a fight with him. It was clear that they wouldn't survive more than seconds against him. Bakura was the best there was and he intended to keep it that way. It was a title he was proud of and wanted to keep for as long as he lived.

Ryou was hurt that Bakura would say such a thing, Ryou only wanted to stay by his side until he was well. Even if he couldn't convince Bakura to come back and stay with him again, he would at least try to get him to visit every now and again. Knowing the former thief though, Ryou guessed that he would refuse and, if he could, stalk away from him. With the thief stuck in bed, there wasn't much stalking away that could be done. For the moment, Ryou had him cornered and could ask him questions without having the other walk away from him.


	4. Home

Ryou sighed, leaning back in his chair. The conversation with Bakura wasn't going very well at all, it seemed that he wasn't going to listen to a word he said but he had to try. With renewed vigor, Ryou sat forward and placed his hands on the bed. "Listen to me, Kura." Ryou pleaded, getting the thief's attention. "Come back to my place..live with me again," Ryou's eyes were downcast toward the bed and his own hands. He didn't look Bakura in the eye, "it's been difficult to get used to you being gone. Come back..." his voice started to crack but he somehow maintained a degree of composure, tears welling up behind the white bangs that shaded his eyes. "Kura...please.." Bakura could feel his resolve weakening as Ryou pleaded and begged, though he had to steel himself and decline. It was so hard to say no, even when his heart screamed out that he would come back.

His head said no, Bakura shook his head. "I can't, Ryou." That was all he managed to say, looking away from his lighter half. Ryou grew angry, he was already hurting and sad from having Bakura leave in the first place. To hear Bakura decline his offer, it made him upset and angry. Ryou stood, looking down at him. He was on the verge of tears but he still managed to look ticked off, "and why not!" Ryou swore to himself that he wouldn't let his tears run, he turned from Bakura to hide them though he was sure that the other had noticed that they were there. If they fell, he wouldn't let Bakura see them. He refused to be weak at a moment like this.

Bakura said nothing, staring blankly at Ryou. His eyes were empty as he sat there, watching the other go off on him and demand why he couldn't. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could explain to his Hikari. There was the chance that he would truly terrify him if Ryou ever learned the truth of what was going on with him, Ryou might never want to talk to him ever again. Or worse. He might want to try and help, Bakura couldn't afford that sort of luxury from Ryou. Even if he did want his Hikari's help, he'd never admit it. Not to himself, and sure as hell not to his Hikari. Bakura knew Ryou well enough that he was going to start going into hysterics soon and with a sigh, he spoke up.

"Hikari, I can't come back and you can't help me." The words stung Ryou but it didn't seem that he'd heard them. "Go home, Ryou." He had paused for a moment before he said the younger boy's name, getting a reaction from Ryou. It wasn't often that Bakura spoke Ryou's name but when he did, he was serious about whatever he was talking about. And it was true, Ryou couldn't hope to help him. Not in Bakura's mind, he didn't think that he'd ever be in the range of help. Bakura believed himself beyond help and he would be, Bakura refused to let anyone help him. Least of all, Ryou. He didn't think he deserved the help he needed and chose to suffer with it every two weeks. He chose to suffer in a dark room for roughly three days until the danger passed, starving himself wasn't something he wanted to do but he had learned to deal with suffering a long time ago and it was still wired into his subconscious.

Ryou glanced back at Bakura, a tear escaping and sliding down his visible cheek. The rest of his tears were hidden for Ryou looked away and left the room, brushing his tears away on the way out. He wouldn't let anyone see him shed any tears, Ryou refused to cry. He'd save that for when he got home, he'd take his anger out on the nearest, non breakable thing he could get his hands on. Ryou had gone and made a beeline straight for his home, locking himself in his home and in his room. Bakura watched as Ryou left, feeling his heart wrench as he saw Ryou's one tear as it traveled down his perfect, pale skin. He wanted to comfort his lighter half but he refrained, holding himself back. Even though he didn't want the other to go, Bakura knew that he had to make Ryou leave for his own safety and good. Bakura laid back and closed his eyes, waiting for someone to come in but mainly he waited for the doctor so he could leave. Within the hour, Bakura checked himself out and left to go back to his own home. His three story home hadn't changed over the few hours he'd been away, the wrought iron gates that guarded the front entrance and kept any trespassers out.

Bakura bypassed the gate quickly enough, the heavy iron locking behind him. He headed straight for his home, intent on taking a hot shower to clean himself and get rid of the smell of the hospital. He hated the smell of hospitals, even though he's visited them a fair number of times and none of his own accord. Bakura climbed the stairs to the top floor where his room resided, dropping his things onto his bed. He pulled his shirt off, throwing it into a basket then made his way to the bathroom to run the water until it got hot. Bakura kicked off his shoes and pushed them into his closet, out of his way while he dug out some fresh clothes. Once in the bathroom, he threw his clean clothes down on the counter and shed his remaining clothes. He started the shower and stepped in, the water scorching hot to burn off anything he might've picked up on the way home or even in the hospital. He rested his head against the black tile, letting the water run down his long, white hair as he stared down in thought.

His mind played over the events in the hospital, he hadn't meant to make his Hikari cry.. But if it got him to stay away, then it was a small sacrifice on his part to keep Ryou safe. He would carry on and continue being with Mariku. That thought burned at him, ate at his heart and it would never stop until his heart was completely ate up by hatred. Bakura knew that well, he wouldn't do anything to interfere with his Hikari's life anymore. Bakura forced the thoughts from his mind and shut the water off, climbing from the shower cubicle. Clean, dried, and dressed, Bakura left the bathroom as he tied his long hair back so it would dry faster. He left his room to tend to his animals' needs, food, water, and let outside for awhile for some fresh air. He tended to them, letting them out into the expanse of the outdoors, knowing they'd be kept in by the tall fence around his land.


End file.
